What I remember from Vicki Iovine’s book, Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy, was that she used her partner’s mouth as a home pregnancy test. He would go down on her and come up to tell her if she was pregnant based on taste. They had four children, so perhaps all the practice refined her husband's palate for the gestating yoni. You’ve probably figured out you were pregnant by missing your period, buying a test or maybe puking before breakfast. Ah the joys of motherhood.And now, in your first trimester, sex might be the last thing on your mind, but this may pass for you soon, and it definitely will for your partner.
There are two types of gestators, those that feel great, glow right from jump, and then there are those that feel like shit on a stick, but both have tons of questions. There are a million books and sited that can walk you through the day to day of pregnancy, my focus is on sex. So let’s address some of the concerns around the first trimester nastiness and doing it.
Making people is tough work, mama. You might be feeling great all day, hop into bed with the intention of fooling around and find yourself not only asleep as soon as you hit the pillow, but wake up in a puddle of drooling from exhaustion. Or perhaps you two decide to get freaky in the tub only to discover the motion of the water makes you seasick, and the pucking kinda killed the vibe.
So what might help? First, notice the times when you lose all energy, perhaps it’s 3pm or 6pm. In that case plan on morning sex instead. And what if you have morning sickness in the morning? Keep some Altoids, almonds and crackers by the nightstand, right next to the lube, that way you can wake up, pee, eat a quick snack and freshen up before you get freaky. The scent of green apples as been know to help with morning sickness as well, so diffuse the fuck out of that space.
Which positions are best in the first trimester you ask? Well, there’s no baby bump yet (that’s just gas and the results of your cravings for candied bacon donuts), so you can go crazy in any position you used to enjoy. However a word of caution about missionary, watch out for your boobs! Your tetas are becoming amazing, life-sustaining machines and they are sensitive AF, and maybe not in the Tickle Me Elmo sense more like “don’t come near me, shirts even hurt” kinda way. So before your lover(s) collapses on those mounds of love, warn them.
Guess what no one ever told me 14 years ago when I was in my first trimester with my first baby? Orgasms can be scary! Who knew that your uterus was attached to your clit? It’s not really, but when you orgasm, the uterus contracts and you can have some serious cramping. Some women never feel these cramps, pregnant or not, and some women do and it can freak you out! But it’s totally normal, and the contractions will stop in a minute or so. If they don't stop call your provider.
One more tip for your all trimesters, hydration will save the day. Make sure you drink more water when you are pregnant and add two extra glasses for sex. A dehydrated mama makes for a tired and crampy uterus.
Let’s go a bit deeper — Some As to a few Qs.
Can you use sex toys? Absolutely, play away! Dildos, a clit stim vibrator like the Womanizer, or try something new with this new body you have.
What about kink and pregnancy? If you like to be spanked, get spanked. If you are into more extreme stuff, proceed with caution and don’t use anything sharp in the vaginal. As always, it’s about consent, and while pregnant, the body is changing so fast you must always check in. Here is a blog that has a article on kink and pregnancy.
Can you receive anal? Yes, of course, this will not hurt the baby, and for some women this can actually help relieve their pregnancy constipation. So win, win.
I am much hornier this pregnancy than my first pregnancy, why? Lots of women find that they not only want more sex with subsequent pregnancies but they also find the sex more enjoyable. Maybe it’s a been there, done that thing. Pregnancy can make even the most level-headed person anxious, it’s just the nature of the beast. If you’ve gone through it once, you know what to expect(ish).
Update: No one is pregnant yet
The Journeys of Dede and Sarah
Let’s start with Dede — Her Daysy fertility monitor didn’t bloom so she sent it back for a new one. In the meantime, she traveled 50x for work and she and her beloved moved. Let’s just say that when they were together, they made love on all the wrong days and fell asleep. However, practice makes perfect and they are willing to hone their craft. Many have given Dede their advice about conceiving and timing, most think that it is her stress that stands in the way of conception. In actuality, it is finding and making time for lots of sex. My thoughts on her stress is that others see her work as stressful, but she finds her work to be fulfilling. Dede loves what she does, and how many people do you know that can say the same? The long hours and the juggling fuel her creativity and productivity, so what we mere mortals may think of as too much or stress-inducing is her base for balance. I have no doubt that when she has these babies, she will give them the devotion and passion she gives her work, friends and family. She just needs to get home a little more often so she can fuck her man that much more often.
Sarah continued using supplements and tried Snapback Kitty’s Womb detox pearls, used Good Clean Love, and went away for a naughty holiday. Her period was 6 days late after using the Snapback Kitty’s Womb detox pearls. To be fair, Sarah did not follow Snapback’s instructions fully; she used them a few days before her period was due, not 10 days before as instructed, and only kept them in for 48 hours, not the recommended 72 hours. Sarah had some light yellow discharge from the pearls and did not experience any cramping, some of the herbs can cause severe cramping according to an acupuncturist friend of mine. When I asked Sarah if she would do it again, she said no. While she didn’t dislike the cleanse, she just felt that it was another step in the process that she had experienced and now it was time to try something else. To their credit, Snapback was quick to answer any questions we had about the process and the customer reviews are very positive. As a nurse, I am not usually so keen on giving the thumbs up on shoving anything in the vagina to clean it, as it is self-cleaning, however I also believe in the benefits of Traditional Chinese Medicine. If the consumer educates themselves and decided to try something, who am I to be on vaginal patrol?
Sarah’s plan is to continue to have non barriered sex with her husband while taking Maca, Royal Jelly, Evening Primrose Oil and folic acid. She will continue to use the Glow app, Good Clean Love lube and will continue exercising 30 minutes a day. She may even try the app Expectful as well.
I will let you know how Dede and Sarah progress. Of course we will explore sex in the next two trimesters, through labor, birth and breastfeeding in the upcoming parts of this series.
As always I welcome your comments and questions and share this with someone.
IG @privatepartsofwellness
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