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The 2020 Pissy Pants

I recently had the opportunity to shadow a renowned urologist. Her bedside manner was welcoming, patients felt cared for and she knew her shit. But DAMN if I wasn’t depressed at the end of that day, on several occasions she would say to her patients, “you’re getting older and this is what happens.” What was she referring to? Pissing on yourself. I thought, “ I don’t give a damn if Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin are into urophilia, that is a hard pass for me.”

So I contacted the people at Vfit.

Vfit “strengthens the pelvic floor, gently stimulates tissue and improves sensation. Discover life-changing benefits in intimate health and sexual function.”

Pelvic floor strengthening? Yes, please. Stimulate tissues? Why not. Improve sensation? Hmmm, Life-changing? I’m there for that!

Anyone who knows me knows that running is NOT a beloved activity, it’s more like a nasty-ass toe jam that I would rather avoid. However, I can understand why someone might like to run, just like I can understand why someone would hate NYC, even when I love it. So I decided to try running. I ran a few races and not long into it, I decided my running slogan could be, “Running wet, but working on it.” Three humans have exited my body and a few more than that have entered (ba-dump bump). Not to mention that stress and being a nurse has me “holding it together” by clenching everything below the waist.

Determined to put a cork in it, I got out the VFit and revved it up.

Below is my review.

The first thing I noticed when I took the Vfit out is that it’s heavy, which is good when you are training the pelvic floor. Weight can send a signal to the pelvic floor to relax which is as important as tightening the pelvic floor.

Phone a friend:There is one central button and 2 others on the VFIt, one for light and one for vibration. You would think the simplicity would make it dummy-proof, well this dummy had a hard time making all of the functions work without enlisting the help of my partner. There are 5 functions in total with the VFit: rumbly vibration, ultrasonic vibration, red light therapy as well as heat and a timer with 2-minute increments. So there’s a lot going on. All went well the first time right I used the VFit, after I kind of skimmed the instructions. However, due to my spotty use, on the third attempt, I was clicking away and only getting the vibration. That’s when I had to ask my partner to help me out, he intuited that there was a method to getting all the bells and whistles going at the same time and soon my inner light was shining and the 6-minute cycle began.

Pro: Clearly marked buttons

Con: There is a slightly complex pattern to getting all of the features to work, so don’t be sleep deprived when you are working with this machine. Or better yet, read the instructions.

The heat is on: As I mentioned before, there is a red light, heating function. First of all, do read the instructions. Secondly, do not use the VFit on consecutive days!!!! This is a big NO-NO. I used it every day for 4 consecutive days and nearly burned my bits. The heat is not “intense” but it is not benign and provides a comfortable warming sensation if you use it every other day or even every 3rd day. There was no damage at all except to my ego after finally fully reading the instructions. The heat is to stimulate blood flow to the vagina. The heat is also intended to help with vaginal dryness which can be a problem with both breastfeeding and menopause. More blood flow means more oxygen and nourishment to vagina - which is what we all want; well-nourished vaginas and pelvic floors that we are in control of.

Pro: Warmth for regeneration

Con: Not reading the instructions and too much heat on consecutive day usage.

Bury the light: So what of this red light? The site says, “Six high-powered, UV-free stimulating red lights (LEDs) in the 662nm wavelength that shine brightly to safely and effectively produce a positive, natural body response.” So I guess it works with the heat, but it can be used as a cool party trick if you're at that type of party. “Hey, everybody watch my honey pot light up like Rudolph’s nose.” The light does disappear when you fully insert the tool.

Feel the sensation: Sonic vibration - I know that toothbrushes use it and sonic means sound, vibration and movement but what is it truly? I Googled it and got this definition: “utilizing, produced by, or relating to sound waves, a sonic device used to rupture cell walls”. Well, I know that Vfit has no intention of rupturing any of our vaginal cells, however, wake up and shake up could help as the blood supply is returned to the pelvic floor. Can you feel the sonic boom? Not really, I don’t think so. But you feel the greater vibration. Vfit offers a caveat, Vfit is meant to be a medical device but, it can also be used as a vibrator. The vibration has several different modes and if you typically struggle with sensitivity and find that the Magic Wand is your usual go-to, this might be a contender for you. I found that when the whole system was in play, the vibration was too much for me.

Pro: While the sonic vibration is penetrating, the rumbly vibration is great for those that need a more vigorous vibe.

Con: Rumbly vibration can be overpowering, regardless of the mode you choose, especially for vulvas that want a gentle touch.

So what’s the final verdict? The reviews are great for those that use the VFit as advised. I didn’t get to use it consistently enough to tell you that it was life-changing for me. I did notice some subtle benefits and think it’s definitely worth the effort.

I kept a note diary of use, most notes went something like “was going to use but then my 4-year-old climbed into bed”. Or in the middle of the next session, “middle child was knocking on our door with a bloody nose, had to stop.” I recently and reluctantly began running again and have decided I will use the vFit faithfully. To avoid child interference, I will explain pelvic floor dysfunction and let everyone in the house know that I have to use this special heat lamp to help otherwise I might smell like pee at the next PTA meeting. That ought to help me get some privacy.

*This was all pre-COVID-19, now we are ALL home and alone time is slim to none/ However, I haven't given up hope. Shooting for 1-2x a week, early morning is the best for me. If you want to know how it goes, just ask.

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